This news is a bit old, but it still cracks me up whenever I think about it. Some researchers in England recently published the results of their study comparing the stimulative effect on the human brain of eating chocolate, as compared with “a passionate kiss”. It was written up in an article on the BBC News web site.
Couples had their heart rates and brains monitored whilst they first melted chocolate in their mouths and then kissed…chocolate caused a more intense and longer lasting “buzz” than kissing.
Yaaawn, right? What I find amusing is not what they studied, but what they obviously wanted to study, but were too cowardly to actually try.
An anonymous source within the research team confirms my suspicions, saying this about their original concept:
We wanted to take it further, you know? Really push the limits. We wanted to go beyond Last Tango in Paris.
Oops. That wasn’t really one of the researchers; that was Mickey Rourke talking about some stupid movie he did back in the 80′s. But my point is this: They probably won’t admit it, but we all know that’s what they were thinking! Who cares about comparing chocolate to a kiss? Nobody. They spent their time and someone’s money to answer a little question that nobody was asking, while ignoring the big one. Come on scientists! Ask yourselves, “What would Madame Curie have done?!”
In their defense, though, imagine the meeting where they’re presenting their research proposal:
Researcher: We’d like to hook people up to the hospital’s astonishingly expensive brain imaging equipment and have other people perform sex acts on them. Then we’ll give them candy.
Researcher: Uhm. OK. How about if the people aren’t necessarily the Dallas Cowboy Cheer Leaders?
Researcher: Well, then. I see you have some reservations. Second base? No nudity?
Researcher: Aww maaan! OK, OK, OK then. Just kissing.
Boss: And they have to be married! To each other!
Thus does humanity remain in a fog of ignorance and superstition. Someday, perhaps in a more enlightened age, science will settle the question of whether chocolate is better than sex. But in the mean time, I suggest we all conduct our own experiments.
Sure, go ahead. Try this at home!